The 18 stages of watching ‘How To Get Away With Murder’

In preparation for the midseason premiere next week, I thought I’d post this so we can all gird our loins for what’s about to come!

  1. Before it starts: Pour yourself a drink (alcohol optional, but advised); get comfy. Have chocolate ready (in case you need to eat your feelings)
  2. During the intro: Think to yourself, ‘Surely this won’t be as crazy as last week’
  3. Five minutes in: Laugh at your own naivety
  4. Yell the following at your TV: ‘No, don’t do it!’/‘How?’/‘Why?!’/Incoherent shouting/swearing (repeat as necessary)
    rant
  5. Take deep breaths
    breathe
  6. Wonder if you could pull off Annalise’s flawless smoky eye look. Decide with great sadness that your efforts would probably leave you looking less ‘fierce’, more ‘punched in the face’
  7. Hug your partner/friend/cushion/the cat
  8. This:
    scared
  9. Cry. Eat ALL the food
    eating
  10. Roll your eyes at Asher, but secretly find him strangely endearing. Amusement turns to panic as you begin to wonder if you’re the Doucheface of your friendship group
  11. Approx. halfway through: Replenish your drink. If you weren’t already drinking alcohol, start now
    drinking
  12. Think sexually confused thoughts about Frank
    fat amy
  13. Last ten minutes: Phew, you’re almost there. You can do this. Give yourself a pat on the back, then hug your cushion harder
  14. Last five minutes: Breathe into a paper bag, fear for your blood-pressure/general health. What have you done to deserve this?
    flop
  15. No but seriously though? You’re good people- why is this happening?!?!
  16. End credits: Let out the breath you’ve been holding for the last minute
  17. Afterwards: Sit alone in a dark room, question everything. Promise your poor, fragile heart you’ll never watch this show again
    second to last
  18. Next week: Repeat the above

Mental health and lifestyle blogger. Originally from Sussex, now living in sunny Bournemouth. Always up for a good chat.

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